Quarter Life Crisis

What's it like being 25? An age where you are confused trying to figure out whether you are still entitled to live your early 20's life or the age when you have to grow up all of a sudden and 'Getting Married' is the utmost priority. The irony is that it isn't a priority for you but the rest around you. More like they have a lot to benefit out of your marriage.

 What's it like being 25? An age where life suddenly turns into adult conversations and you are sitting there and pondering over how school and college life were much easier, where exams and finishing school homework was the only difficulty.

What's it like being 25? An age where everyone around you seems to be getting married and having babies while you are still sipping on Bournvita every morning and chilling with the 'unmarried' friends (few of them left alas!)


 Learnt a lot in the past years, gained a lot out of it, moved through different phases in life, solved the puzzles of growing up but at 25 life needs to pause, it's now I feel that life is moving too fast and I cant keep pace with it!

A Drive to Nowhere...

 

 
 

Amber was in the middle of nowhere. She drove her car down miles away with no clue of where her final destination was. She stopped amidst nothing but a desolated tract. With moist eyes she pondered over the hardships that life was throwing upon her. Strength and patience is what she had in store for really long but now even they were giving up.

Blurred lines, undefined path and an energy level that bid farewell, she was still in the pursuit of positivity but alas, no luck. A serene silence enveloped her. She didn’t want to speak to anyone and she didn’t want to stir the silent nothingness. A series of “whys” rang in her head but sometimes a question brings even more complex answers i.e if they bring answers at all. There was a brutal turbulence in her head which would erupt like a volcano any day and take her life away. Emotions like love, understanding, and bonding seemed like mockery in her life.

Who does she trust? The ones she did now felt like strangers and hell yeah the feeling wasn’t appealing, not even one bit.

It was impossible to make out what she was thinking, the person so familiar yet a tiny fragment of a distant memory. She closed her eyes and after a moment too long Amber remembered a different version of this face, the one that used to smile, the one which had gleaming eyes, running endlessly after her dreams. She just stared at the rear view mirror with all of that missing, stared with those empty eyes. Amber was scared to ask herself the question of what had really happened to that person. With a heavy heart, moist eyes, burying her emotions in the deserted land, she drove back to the city and let the girl in the mirror be.

 

 

 

A Road to Nothing...

 

Amber sat facing the creek. The wind blowing on her face. Bliss. Amidst the commotion she couldn’t hear anything but her heart beat and her mind talk to herself. Was it for real? The sudden upheaval of emotions that were experienced in two days led their way to destination ‘Numbness’. A drastic change in life is not what she needed, well; ironically it escorted itself to the same zone. She closed her eyes, the tear trickled down. she stared blankly. Was it for real? It just takes few seconds... very similar to a glass shattering to pieces after its fall... his voice broke her thoughts... he sat there but it wasn't him... a lover turned stranger! 

It's at that time when she wished even the saying "walls have ears" could come true. Amber wanted to scream her pain out loud but no one heard. Not even him. Her past killed her present and devastated the future. Was it for Real? Get into my mind and I shall see your pain ... a power she wished he inherited. A once blossomed road to future now felt like a cold, dark and gloomy winter night.

She wanted to tell him how she died every time she battered her eyelids.The road seemed improbable, impossible may be. A series of “whys” rang in his head for sure, but for her questions brought even more complex answers, i.e. if they brought answers at all. The path seemed broken and the journey impossible…the love, the time spent together, the memories would were now a question, a question forever.

There was a constant battle between her mind and her mind. The incompleteness that engulfed her seemed realistically impossible. "I want to give you a hug"... No he replied. "I want to hold your hand". No he replied. Was it for real?

He looked at her with pain. The pain that had pierced right through his heart and mind ever since that day. Numb. Cold. Strong or just portraying to be.

One chance. She begged.

He gave.

It was a series of sarcasm that led post that day.

Every day Amber fought. Not with him but with herself. I hurt him. He hates me ?

The sarcasm killed her. The not so assuring future took her life away.

No Amber. No future.

A chance given yet forgotten. A murder not done but death taken.

 

Emotions, Anyone?

This blog is a concoction of everything that just kept running across my mind and I decided to pen it down. It may make sense, it may not but I felt good venting out whatever was clogged in the head for a couple of months. Enjoy the ride...

Sometimes I wonder is there anything or anyone who could probably understand a tad bit of your inside story? The inside story that runs in your mind courtesy the environment and circumstances around you. 

Today I ponder over how do you have anyone understand your emotions, your agony, happiness,  battles with the mind and heart, conflicts with what is wrong and what is right.  HOW?

2013 has been a retarded year and believe me you when people say life is a roller coaster ride, my roller coaster track somehow saw only the way down. Deceitful hope but in vain.

At this age I was a victim to so many situations which I probably wouldn’t have encountered if I was over Smart, had a strong political mind and was cunning. I’m annoyed with the worldliness around me and can’t help but wonder how do I survive in this world that has Homo sapiens who are constantly on the move to destroy your inner conscience leaving you in a dilemma with yourself. 

The definition of People in my dictionary-

Purely Emotionless Over Practical Losers on Earth

Switch on the news channel and all you come across is “kaunsi party jeeti” ?  ” Arvind kejriwal ne kis kis ka mooh band kiya”? “Kisne kiska khoon kiya?”    

I mean c’mon guys, when was the last time you ever heard something worth a mention on the idiot box.

Where are the emotions? Where is humanity? Everything seems to have disappeared with the onset of materialism and competition with one another. 

Do you stand in the group of people who have persistently been targets to unfaithfulness? I’m on my way to joining this group soon. 

I’ve read quotes that say “ I don’t let anyone’s insecurities, emotions or opinions bother me,I know that if I’m happy that’s all that matter’?? But my question is HOW???? 

When you happen to be surrounded by people who are insecure, emotionless freaks and opinionated ALL THE TIME, how do you stay happy? You can ignore them initially but for HOW LONG? 

Are you with the perfect people? As per a new friend cum philosopher, Perfect doesn’t exist and I’m sure all of us agree. 

Changes are inevitable but why is it necessary to change???  The whole idea of being one up destroys the concept of emotions. People need to look at the greater picture and comprehend that competition might take you one step further initially but after a while you’ll be left behind alone.

I wouldn’t say 2013 taught me a lot, Staying in Delhi did, but 2013 definitely added more to my book of unpleasant experiences and callous people. I’ve encountered changes in people, atmosphere, situations and a lot more at a soaring speed blowing away the faith in humanity every second.

Life can be simple. Life can be enjoyed. Life needn’t be a roller coaster ride. 

Until then

Adios