A Yes from an Ex...

Amber suppressed her emotions and numbness was her new found companion. Standing on the terrace, she sipped on the half left bottle of Vodka and stared at the madness of the relatives, friends and family members who were gushing into last minute preparations a night before her wedding.

Amidst all the chaos stood her parents with a subtle smile of satisfaction on their face. And why not, their elder daughter was stepping into a new phase of her life and it was an achievement as parents after all the lovable yet chaotic parenthood.

Those relatives who always thought of marriage as the ultimate goal of life to be achieved at the right age would definitely have been satisfied or Amber hoped they were.

The vendors robotically were laboring at decorating the house for the D-day looking forward to the night off , getting paid and buzzing off. No emotions attached, just another project.

While everyone was engaged in their own sweet tasks to complete, Amber couldn't help but dwell into the past that she had supposedly left behind.

A gallery lock on the phone was what she unlocked and there it was, a bag full of memories with the person she had surrendered herself to. 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 , 2016 ... Each image had a story behind it. That night she decided to relive those stories mentally.

Her B'day, His B'day, Valentine's Day, Road trips, Concerts, New Years, Diwali, Eid, Christmas and many more events that contributed to all those years of togetherness.

Loving him was not an option, it came from deep within. People fell out of love while she dug deeper into the emotion of love with him. There was no falling out of it but with every passing second it just got bigger and better.

Girls in the contemporary world like being independent and as much as she was, she always had another side that would love to dependent on him because of his ability to keep her calm and composed.

She loved how he took immense efforts to draw a smile on her face with the smallest of gestures which made her blush every time.

If it was someone who redefined love, it was him. After a failed pattern of 2 unlucky relationships she wasn't ready for another one until he walked into her life, grabbed her hand and comfortably made her fall in love with love again.

The feeling couldn't be put into words, it just had to be felt from within.

"Beep" a whatsapp msg interrupted her thought process.

"Congratulations! Hope you have a Happy Married Life ahead!", he messaged her.

How does it feel to get a msg from an EX who was once a pivotal part of your life?

The situation was ironic...she was blank, stared at the photo gallery and noticed a picture of him and her amongst the mountains mesmerizing the moment.

Those moments were far beyond beautiful. A girl always wants a perfect man and as much as perfection is a myth, he was very close to being one.

But then again life is such, when everything seems so perfect, a hassle is bound to interrupt. Unfortunately in their story it was a series of hassles. The never ending saga just deteriorated all the emotions that kept them strong.

And then one fine day he left. There was no looking back and all that was became once upon a time story.

Here she was getting married to another being without any feelings attached and only for the "society" and "parents" who were the only homosapiens  happy with the decision.

A life ahead with probably 40 odd years of compromise and emotional detachment but need to be dealt with for reasons unknown. That's how the Indian society functioned. Sadly, everyone accepts their fate and end up losing their identity and transforming into a new one, one that even they don't recognize. And all this for the society that always has essays to speak about whether your happy or unhappy.

That night the only thing that stayed were the tears that helped her ease the pain of sacrificing something that was so close to her heart even then.

A dilemma engulfed her pertaining to the future.

She messaged him back " Give it another chance, Can we?

A message from him changed the night- "Yes" he said!

Sometimes it just takes one word to give you the strength to put your foot down and finally pave a path for living on your terms.

While everyone was busy doing what they were, she packed her bag and left.. After all what is life without risks and what is life without happiness.

She had a choice to choose between 40 years of a happy life or 40 years of a compromising one. She chose the former and paved way to a new phase but this time with a sense of atonement.

Cheers

Amber

Permanent is so Temporary...

There is an irony in the title stated. Permanent apparently is always permanent. What if permanent is just a deception. A phrase that is conceived to inculcate hopes in individuals. The world lives on hopes and whatsoever good that occurs in our lives we wish to live it for a longer period of time. Permanent maybe?

If the happiness in our lives prolongs for a little less than indefinite phases we call it permanent. Nothing is permanent. Unfortunately its a delusion. An unacceptable reality that many fail to endure. What is permanent? We as humans do not hold a permanent place in this world then how can anything else?

I believe in temporary. If we accept the ardent reality that all that is in life is temporary we are finally living our lives then. A realistic approach rather than a story line. 

Emotions. En number of emotions engulf us giving a daily dose of highs and lows. Some that we deserve, some that we don't. 

Temporary living is an art that not everybody can ace because human tendency calls for a lot more than a temporary way of living.

We want permanent happiness, permanent satisfaction, permanent peacefulness, permanent love, permanent people. The question is how many of us actually are or have lived with these permanent elements in our life.

Permanent happiness is inevitable. In this contemporary world there is immense negativity and betrayal that even if you try to live happy, your surroundings deteriorate the feeling. 

Permanent people is also a myth. People enter and exit with every passing phase. Some leave willingly and some unwillingly (mortality much!). 

In fact with every passing phase and age our personalities change and so do our characteristics. What is permanent then?

Permanent love is a parable. While your in love you think its permanent. The moment you fall out of it, it becomes temporary.

So again I question what exactly is permanent?

When your living life is temporary then how can anything be permanent?

#midnighthoughts 

~ Amber~

Mind The Gap...

 

Mostly all of us master the art of glorifying the Past and dragging it into the present.” Good old days”, “When I was young”, we did this”, we did that” are the terms we normally use especially when in conversation with the generation before us. We feel we are above them not only in age factor but have also experienced life a little more than them. A very good and rich past.

       All of us feel our past was eloquent, peaceful, had rich culture and whatever rules and traditions laid down by our ancestors were the finest. I feel we are pushing ourselves into the past instead of striding into the future. Many of the self-proclaimed gurus consider themselves the preserver of the past traditions and culture. If we happen to go against the rules laid by them we are not sanskari according to them.

       Old is Gold. If we restrict our youth to stick to the line we have drawn for them then in a way we are declining them to let spread their wings and explore the unknown world.

 

        When we sit with our older generation we hear them talk about their past nostalgically. I wonder if they would want to go back to the days of typhoid, plague, sati, infant deaths, famine, caste wars and insanitary conditions. I am sure they would not want to relive all these miseries. In fact I feel they are happier living in the luxury of air conditioners, heart bypass surgery, safe and fast air travel, and a hundred other good things that the modern world is offering them. The past has its own place and charm. We can delve into the past and find solutions for many challenges from the words of wise and experienced people who can inspire and lead us but at the same time we should be able to differentiate between the good and the bad, between the useless and the useful. We should harvest the golden things and words from the past.

 However there are still certain ideologies of the Generation before us that perplex me. Religion. What is Religion?

As per the little knowledge that I have acquired of the various Religions that exist, all of them definitely have a verse that mentions love and care to other homo sapiens. Ironically this doesn’t seem the case in the contemporary world. For instance the 1947 Historical India- Pakistan Partition lingers on the minds of a majority of Indians and Pakistanis who have either witnessed the episode or have heard tales from their ancestors. The bitterness still remains intact and unfortunately is being passed on to generations and generations. Let bygones be bygones. The generation I belong to does not encourage hatred based on factors like Religion and Nationality but unfortunately no matter how hard we try to suppress the hatred that our adults have, it’s a task to accomplish. And if at all you fall in love with someone from a different Religion and Nationality, you’ve called for trouble. The terms and conditions are in surplus if you want to fall in love.

Falling in love with a good human is just not enough even if it means marrying a person from the same religion and nationality in spite of the many flaws that he/she possesses. As a person how do you deal with the situation you are placed in when you know marrying somebody who you don’t connect with can put your life in a soup. Compromising and sacrificing are two options which when adopted can lead to a life that will make your family happy but leave you shattered. I contemplate on how everyone specially parents after living glorious years of content life, now expose harsh hypocritical decisions on their children. They are meant to support and not distance their offspring making them live a life of sheer unhappiness.

If there was any way we could explain to the adults the importance of having a good human being in life not based on factors like Religion and Nationality then that would be the ultimate goal achieved and then our Generation could let bygones be bygones in real terms.